Why am I so pissed off?

No, seriously why? Lately I'm getting so annoyed at just about EVERYTHING. Granted, work is stressing me out so I know I'm overly annoyed due to the lack of respect I get there and the stress of not knowing if I'm going to be starting school for the fall or even at all at this point....

My sister's friend wanted her to sign up for a Spartan Race in August-she asked if Marc and I would do it with her so I said yes. We all signed up, turns out her friend told her the wrong date even though she asked him at least 5 times and now we're going through the whole confusion of switching the date. it shouldn't seem tough but the Spartan emails are confusing and very short and don't explain ANYTHING. I got one that looked like it was switched over but then when I asked about the date they said I have to re-register which if I'm looking at the info right, I might be getting charged again, I'm so confused and honestly don't even want to do this anymore but now I'm screwed or out of a lot of money since I paid for Marc as well as myself.

I can't wait til my vacation later this month-I don't want to be here at all anymore. it's that type of day where I've wanted to just get up and walk out at least 10 times. I need to go for a run like never before, fingers crossed Marc doesn't have anything planned for tonight so I can.

Updated race list for 2013!!

Upcoming races for 2013:

Frozen Shamrock 3-Miler 4/14/2013 Time: TBA
Groton Road Race (10K) 4/28/2013 Time: TBA
Tough Mudder 6/1/2013
Spartan Race 8/11/2013

bold and in red means newly added


Past races for the fun of it:

5K Run to Kick Cancer 1/5/2013 Time: 32.17 (PR!)
Claddagh Pub 4-Miler 3/3/2013 Time: 44:34
Hynes Tavern 5-Miler 3/10/2013 Time: 53:17 (PR!)

Stop looking at the bad and look at the good....

I'm sitting here, wishing I wasn't at work and out of the blue, my mind thinks "stop looking at the bad and look at the good". Thanks brain, I really needed to be reminded of this today.

So, time to look at the good instead of the bad (which sadly, looking at the bad is always too easy to do)

•  last March, I was 65 (or more) pounds, I was obese for my height
• 8 days ago, I run a 5 mile race FASTER than I had wanted to, I did it in 53:17. Not only did I do it, I RAN the whole thing! 
• I started running last July, I graduated C25K even when there were weeks that I didn't think I could do it
• I fit into a size 4 dress this weekend-not only did I fit into it, I looked good!
• I bought 2 new running sweatshirts/jackets that are size small
• I can go into a fitting room with 15 items and they all fit-I could have bought them all but some were too big and others I didn't need so I got the more important things (ie: capris to run in :) )
• if I don't work out, my body craves it. I literally have to force rest days on myself-a year ago, or even 8.5 months ago when I joined MFP, I never would have thought that would happen

Obviously, that's just a small list. I could go on and on with more but since I am typically at work, I won't haha

So, take a minute and think-what is the good you can be looking at? Something you didn't think you could do but you have done? It can be something small or something huge, they're all important.

Oh, and I'll be posting an updated race list as soon as I'm done here but another good thing-I gave my older sister the confidence to sign up and do a Spartan Race in August with one of her friends from college-it might have helped that I told her if she did it, my boyfriend and I would be right there beside her the whole time so she wouldn't be doing it alone but she did it, I'm so proud of her for signing up and doing something out of her comfort zone(like so far out, you can't even see it)

Edited to add in:
Sometimes I love when field techs come back into the office after being gone for awhile. One of them came back today (he's been out in the field for at least 4 months) Here's our conversation:
Him: Have you lost some weight Christy?
Me: Yeah, a little
Him: Not just a little, but a lot, you look great.

So surprised-and proud of myself!

This past Saturday was my birthday-I had had everything planned out eating wise for Friday and Saturday, I figured it would be tough since I had to have 2 rest days since Marc and I had our 5 mile run Sunday. Then came the curve balls; Friday not as bad but Saturday, around 6pm, Marc's parents called to find out if they could take us out for dinner for my birthday-I couldn't say no even though I had already pre-planned my dinner, so out we went. For Italian :) So another day I went over. I was upset but hey, what can you do, it's life right

Then we had our race Sunday-we did better than we had wanted. I would have been happy running the 5 miles in an hour (it was our first 5 mile timed race). It was a perfect day for it. Not only did we beat the time but we got 53.17 YAY!!! Marc got 53.16-he beat me by exactly ONE second lol I'll get him next time...

Sunday I did ok eating wise, it could have been better but after races I'm not hungry and for a bit after, the thought of food turns my stomach. So I didn't have much til we went out to dinner for one of our friends' birthdays (another curve ball). Of course we sit down and all of a sudden I'm STRAVING so I had more than I planned but again, it's life and I just ran a 5 mile race.

Then came this morning-weigh in day. I figured I was screwed-a few not so good days of eating(mostly sodium wise is what I was worried about) and to top it off, I have my period so I knew I'd have that dreaded "gain".

Low and behold, I step on the scale and I'm still at 129. I didn't gain since last week! Even after a "normal" weekend of eating, not as much running/working out as I would have liked and my period, I maintained :) I am so happy and proud of not only my run but I did it-I can have a normal weekend where I don't kill myself working out and eating dessert and I can do it :) I knew I could but to prove it to myself is even better....so on the days you're doubting yourself, just remember that you CAN do it

Races...past, present and future

Yup, it's slower than slow at work which means I'm bored and wishing they closed the office BUT it looks like the snow is stopping so fingers crossed it'll be ok by the time 5pm gets here (if it ever does, it's the never ending day).

So, I figured I'd post my races cause, I have nothing better to do. Mind you, I only started running July of last year-I haven't even hit my birthday of running yet. 

Covered Bridge 5K 9/30/2012 Time: 40.37
Apple Dash 10/27/2012 Time: 38.49
Cider Mash 11/4/2012 Time: 48.19
Feaster Five 5K11/22/2012 Time: 33.21

5K Run to Kick Cancer 1/5/2013 Time: 32.17 (PR!)
Claddagh Pub 4-Miler 3/3/2013 Time: 44:34


Hynes Tavern 5-Miler 3/10/2013 Time:TBA
Frozen Shamrock 3-Miler 4/14/2013 Time:TBA
Tough Mudder 6/1/2013 

I would love to do a 10K this year and or a half marathon. I'm looking at the Wine and Dine Half Marathon in November in Disney but it's freaken crazy expensive! But I really really want to do a half in disney...or the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror 10 miler in October, again, crazy expensive. There's a 10K in NJ in May that's not that bad (for flights, hotels and entering the race, it's just under $1,000 for both myself and my boyfriend Marc. So we shall see. It kinda all depends on how I feel after running longer distances this spring/summer. 

Also, this year, I'm planning on doing the Feaster Five but they do it as a 5 mile race as well as we'll probably do that to make it a bit more challenging. Time will tell!

I'm annoyed if you can't tell...

Well, my blog title is just what I need to hear today "suck it up buttercup" I'm annoyed-it's snowing, I'm at work and the other 3 admin that are supposed to be here decided to take the day off (technically they said they're working from home but I doubt that). How nice for them! They get to work from home, can I? Nope-that's the downside to being an admin specialist; you can't work from home unless you decide to print huge print jobs to your home printer. So here I am sitting at work and so far there are only 2 other people-and at least 1 more on the way in. Other than that, who knows, it's anyone's guess.

Since i got my hair done last night, it was a rest day for me-I hate them with a passion. On the plus side, due to the snow, I got to at least shovel. Definitely not as good as my typical Friday workout but better than nothing. And yeah, it worked my arms and another arm day is always good in my book!

I'm annoyed with work for anyone that doesn't know. I don't get why I'm held to different standards than all the other admin. I can do it don't get me wrong, I can work on a non-snowy day without needing them it's just that they don't think about anyone else but themselves. Not once have I heard a "can I get you something while I go across the street to get myself lunch" and I think it hurts me more because it's people that are on my team yet I don't feel like we're on the same team. It's like it's them vs me and I don't know how or why that happened. I'm so tired of being told how to do my job by someone that's been here less than a year that can't even do her job. Bitch step back, I know what I'm doing I'm not blind or stupid. What a pointless post....

Self Doubt

For some reason, I've been thinking about self doubt a lot lately. According to the dictionary, it means "A lack of faith or confidence in oneself." Which is probably one of the main reasons why I became over weight. I didn't have confidence in myself for as long as I can remember. What changed? I'm not sure-something did.
Don't get me wrong, I still have self doubt, I honeslty don't think there will be a time I won't, I've just learned to deal with it. Or maybe a better term is I've learned to overcome it.
Before my first 5K, I doubted that I could do it, but I did. Not as I had hoped, but I still finished. My second 5K, I doubted myself, yet once again I did it. For the Feaster Five, I doubted myself for more than one reason-I did horrible on the hill on the previous 5K, there was a hill on this one, I'd be running with the most people I've done (between 11,000 and 12,000). But guess what? I did it.
I doubted myself to the point I almost didn't want to do 5Ks anymore. But I had already signed up for the Wild Rover Series (it's 3 Sundays back to back, first a 3 mile, then 4 mile and ends with a 5 mile run-the 3 mile was moved to April due to snow). Sunday I ran the first in the series (technically, it should have been the 2nd lol). 4 miles-sure, I've done 4 miles before but never timed; just Marc and I taking our time, having fun. I was nervous, I was almost dreading it the day before. But race day came and as always, I got those little butterflies saying "yes! you love this! you've got this, is it time to run yet?" I doubted I could do it in under the 45 minutes I set for myself. All was going great then right before 2 miles holy crap, they weren't kidding when they said there was a hill! The first part of the hill wasn't bad, I ran it no problem. The second part (and I think the killer is it had a bit of a straight way between the two) was straight up. So I walked it, fast paced but I walked it. After that and I started running again, I doubted we'd do the 45 minutes. I was sad but Marc kept pushing me and we kept going. At the end, they have it so you turn a corner than have about 1/8 of a mile to run. That last 1/8 of a mile I pushed myself harder than I've ever pushed myself at the end of a race. I don't know why, but I felt great-I didn't feel as tired as I thought I would. And guess what? We finished under 45 minutes :) 44:34:00 to be exact.
I'm doubting myself for this Sunday too (what a surprise right?) I know I can do it, will I get it done in the time I want? Fingers crossed but time will tell. I know I can finish it but it's the whole self doubt time before hand. It can be done, I will get it done.
What's the whole point to this? I don't know. We all have self doubts-it's mind over matter (at least to me). If I pysch myself out saying I can't do it, sure, I won't be able to. If I tell myself I can and I know I've run longer than 5 miles before, I'll be pysch and ready to go. I WILL do what I want on Sunday. The self doubt isn't happening as much anymore and it's easy to talk myself out of it....8 months ago I didn't think I could get to 130-but guess what? I did it, I lost 35 pounds and met my goal. AND I over came the fear of lifting weights and I love it! I crave my weight days almost as much as I crave my running days. I'm actually said when I have to take a rest day (like this week, I have 2 cause of getting my hair done Thursday so I can't do anything Friday and then Saturday, I do better resting before a race specially 5 miles-I planned it so I did my hair before it so I wouldn't push myself, I'm not paying $75-100 bucks to ruin it with sweat the next day lol)

Moral of my post:

Don't let the self doubt win. You can do this. Mind over matter-remind yourself of everything you've done that you didn't think you could. Talk to me and I'll give you a pep talk

There and back again-as of February 14th

Anyone that knows me, knows my thoughts go from here to there and back again and my hands can't keep up with them. So I'll say I'm sorry now if something doesn't make much sense. Also, if something doesn't make sense it's cause I posted this for MFP-which I'll explain later on-I re-read some of this but I'm at work(shhh!) so don't have time to re-read the whole thing and make sure it makes sense for my FB friends.

This past Tuesday night (the 12th), I had one of those "so this is how I really look/others see me" moments. So what did I do? I brought out my phone and took the photo.

There have been easy days and hard days. Days I've loved doing this and days I just wanted to give up. But I didn't-I kept going.How is beyond me at times.

Before I start in, let me do a bit of a background on me. In 7th grade, I became anorexic. To the point that one of my boyfriends told my mother in 9th grade-for most of high school I'd go back and forth between being ok and being skin and bones (although no one ever said much or noticed...it probably helped that I wore clothes that were too big and baggy, ok not really skin and bones but a lot less than I should have been). Senior year in high school I was doing ok, a normal weight and I was ok with it. Then I went to Vermont for college and all hell broke lose. It took me years to get to a point where I was ok with my body. So even though I knew I went from one end to the other, I was scared to try to lose weight because of how easy it would be for me to fall back into the anorexic mind set. I'm happy to say, I did it-I was able to lose weight and eat and never once did any of those thoughts enter my head. I was amazed with myself!

Last July (the 6th to be exact), I joined MFP. (side note for those who don't know since I posted this on MFP-MFP is MyFitnessPal, a few website and app that helps you track your food, workouts, ect. I've made some really close friends there who have helped me through everything).  Why did I join? Well, that's simple. Work sent out one of their monthly health related emails about losing weight and they talked about how one of the guys and his wife from another office joined MFP and they lost something like 70 pounds each in X months (I don't remember the time frame). I was slow at work and figured I'd check it out. Bam, that's all I needed. That little push that I had been wanting, no, NEEDING for so long.

At this time, Marc and I started running. I had always wanted to be a runner but never knew anything about pace and breathing, Marc used to run track and cross country in high school so he taught me. And pushed me when I needed it. Now I can't get enough running!

I knew I needed to lose weight, I wasn't happy with how I looked but if I didn't look at myself too long in the mirror, let pictures get taken of me or even see pictures of myself, I could deny I was where I was.

When I joined, I was 5'2" and 160 pounds-although honestly I think I was closer to 165/170. My BMI at the time was 29.3 which put me as overweight. Anything above 30 for me was in the obese status-I was .7 away from being thought of as obese. Talk about an eye opener!

It took awhile to get things figured out of course I did the whole 1200 calories cause that's where MFP put me at first, I did the 2 pounds per week. After 2 days I knew I wanted this to be a life style change not a DIET(I hate that word) I changed it to 1 pound per week for awhile. I lost a little but not much so I looked into BMR and TDEE. It took me awhile before I found helloitsdan's post and figured out it wasn't as hard to understand as I first thought.

The first photo for this that I have was taken August 21st 2012 at 154 pounds. I had to lose 6 pounds before I'd even take a picture of myself. Marc nd I visited some friends in Florida the beginning of September and by then I was about 150.

In August I started doing C25K and graduated that on September 4th. My first 5K race was September 30th. November 26th I started doing some weights but didn't get into it as much as I should have until the middle of December. I love my weight days almost as much as I love my running days.

It felt like forever until I got out of the overweight chart for my BMI. But I did it!

December 14th I was getting ready for work and was wearing a shirt Marc's sister had given me for Christmas-she wanted to see a picture since they were in Mexico for Christmas so I took one. This was the first time I had seen myself as me-I was 136 at this time and I almost cried. I was so surprised and sent Marc a text with the picture saying something like "thank you for believing in me, I see myself as you've been telling me for months now" Take about being worth it all!

Fast forward to last month-I met my goal of 130 pounds on January 23rd. My BMI is now 23.0 which makes it healthy. I also found out last month when I went to the doctors that I look great and she's very happy with my weight. and I'm 5'3" apparently not 5'2" like I had always been told (I made her measure me 3 times before I believed her, poor doctor! My first time seeing her and she probably thinks I'm crazy).

I did it. I'm doing it now. I had another moment of "damn, this was so worth it" tonight while I was bored and running on my treadmill at home. I felt sexy. Sweaty but sexy.

Edited 2/18/2013-
Over the weekend, I realized I didn’t put in what I do now since I wrote this for MyFitnessPal and they know what I do. So now, here is what I do: (let me know if you have any questions about any of them)
Mondays:  abs and back (planks, leg lifts, scissors, mason twists, in & outs, crunches, low row, double row, lat machines, shoulder press, butterfly)
Tuesdays: leg day (squats, lunges, leg extension, hamstring curls, incline on the treadmill if time)
Wednesday: rest day
Thursdays: abs and arms (planks, crunches, leg lifts, scissors, mason twists, dumbbell curls, adjustable pulley, triceps extension, triceps pull down,)
Fridays: leg day (squats, lunges, leg extension, hamstring curls, hip relaxer, incline on the treadmill if time)
Saturdays/Sundays: my “free” days which means I either run or do another day of abs/legs/back or whatever I feel like, sometimes a combo of running and arms.

And so I begin...

Yup, so I figured I'd start my own blog-why? Well, why not? It gives me a reason to write even if it is just something short since I haven't had time to do it much lately. At some point, I'll be moving over my story of how I've done what I've done weight lose wise as well as my post earlier today from MFP on self doubt. Now the key is that I don't forget I have this blog...

Why Suck it up Buttercup? In the beginning I needed that reminder-and I still do at times. I'm not going to get anywhere by not dealing with it and literally sucking it up and getting on with it. Whether it's with figuring out if I'm heading back to school, running longer than I want to on the treadmill or just being a grownup. Plus, it makes me laugh for some reason