Don't get me wrong, I still have self doubt, I honeslty don't think there will be a time I won't, I've just learned to deal with it. Or maybe a better term is I've learned to overcome it.
Before my first 5K, I doubted that I could do it, but I did. Not as I had hoped, but I still finished. My second 5K, I doubted myself, yet once again I did it. For the Feaster Five, I doubted myself for more than one reason-I did horrible on the hill on the previous 5K, there was a hill on this one, I'd be running with the most people I've done (between 11,000 and 12,000). But guess what? I did it.
I doubted myself to the point I almost didn't want to do 5Ks anymore. But I had already signed up for the Wild Rover Series (it's 3 Sundays back to back, first a 3 mile, then 4 mile and ends with a 5 mile run-the 3 mile was moved to April due to snow). Sunday I ran the first in the series (technically, it should have been the 2nd lol). 4 miles-sure, I've done 4 miles before but never timed; just Marc and I taking our time, having fun. I was nervous, I was almost dreading it the day before. But race day came and as always, I got those little butterflies saying "yes! you love this! you've got this, is it time to run yet?" I doubted I could do it in under the 45 minutes I set for myself. All was going great then right before 2 miles holy crap, they weren't kidding when they said there was a hill! The first part of the hill wasn't bad, I ran it no problem. The second part (and I think the killer is it had a bit of a straight way between the two) was straight up. So I walked it, fast paced but I walked it. After that and I started running again, I doubted we'd do the 45 minutes. I was sad but Marc kept pushing me and we kept going. At the end, they have it so you turn a corner than have about 1/8 of a mile to run. That last 1/8 of a mile I pushed myself harder than I've ever pushed myself at the end of a race. I don't know why, but I felt great-I didn't feel as tired as I thought I would. And guess what? We finished under 45 minutes :) 44:34:00 to be exact.
I'm doubting myself for this Sunday too (what a surprise right?) I know I can do it, will I get it done in the time I want? Fingers crossed but time will tell. I know I can finish it but it's the whole self doubt time before hand. It can be done, I will get it done.
What's the whole point to this? I don't know. We all have self doubts-it's mind over matter (at least to me). If I pysch myself out saying I can't do it, sure, I won't be able to. If I tell myself I can and I know I've run longer than 5 miles before, I'll be pysch and ready to go. I WILL do what I want on Sunday. The self doubt isn't happening as much anymore and it's easy to talk myself out of it....8 months ago I didn't think I could get to 130-but guess what? I did it, I lost 35 pounds and met my goal. AND I over came the fear of lifting weights and I love it! I crave my weight days almost as much as I crave my running days. I'm actually said when I have to take a rest day (like this week, I have 2 cause of getting my hair done Thursday so I can't do anything Friday and then Saturday, I do better resting before a race specially 5 miles-I planned it so I did my hair before it so I wouldn't push myself, I'm not paying $75-100 bucks to ruin it with sweat the next day lol)
Moral of my post:
Don't let the self doubt win. You can do this. Mind over matter-remind
yourself of everything you've done that you didn't think you could. Talk to me
and I'll give you a pep talk
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